On this, the last day of the year twenty thousand and ten, there are three things to be done:
1. Make resolutions for next year, that more often than not, won't be realized.
2. Look back on the year and realize what was, or was not, accomplished.
3. Don't have "big plans" since any big plans will never live up to the hype.
Good grief, I sound cynical. I'm really not in the bad mood that these statements indicate. I actually feel quite positive about the New Year.
With this blog, which began more than 2 years ago, I've always striven not to get too deep into my personal issues, because, frankly, they're not interesting to anyone other than me. That, and they're not funny, and my blog is way better when it's funny. But I feel the need to put some of this in writing so I can hold myself accountable later on when I'm re-reading these entries.
I have one resolution only for 2011, and that's to get my weight under control. It feels like everything else would resolve if I could just do this. one. thing. The problem is, I make the same resolution every year, and have for as long as I can remember. It's a sore subject for me, because I'm a pretty disciplined girl when it comes to most things. I got myself out debt, I set myself on the career path I wanted, and in most everything, I've done what I put my mind to. Yet I cannot seem to conquer this one. I took the big step of asking my doctor/np for help, but I'm not sure that's going to be enough. We'll see.
2010 was a year of personal change. Professionally, lots happened, but this was the year where my life became about more than work. And I'm not alone in that. It must be a mid-30's thing, when women who've made their lives about career suddenly start to want more. For several friends, it's meant babies and the happy discovery of love. For me, it's meant moving into a house and getting a dog. Prosaic, huh? But along the way, I worked through a bad mood that lasted several months. That's gotta count for something. :) It's strange to not be in motion in some way - either by seeking a new job or moving to a new city. I've lived her for 6 years. For the first time in a long time, I don't know what's next.
Tonight's plans are emblematic of my life at this point - an evening spent with two families, kids and all, and me the lone bachelorette. I'm used to this, but that's not to say it's easy. I'd like to think it takes some moxie to find fun among couples and their kids, when in some ways everything they are is a reminder of what I don't have. I spend a lot of time as the fifth or third or seventh wheel: the one that makes hostesses stress about finding a table for an odd number, or the one who screws up the seating arrangement at a formal event. That's always bothered me, because I know some pretty damn awesome people who are coupled up, and I don't want them (or me) to feel strange about hanging out. I suspect much of the angst about this is in my head. But regardless, I'm looking forward to this NYE, with chili and board games and friends. It's not Times Square, but really, who wants to freeze your ass off with thousands of other frozen asses?
I do have a wish for 2011, though. I wish we (the collective we) could do better - not even good, necessarily, but better. No one likes to be told to do better, but we should. We can. Imagine if we all took the money we spent on...I don't know...our text messages, maybe...and gave it to someone who needed it. Or imagine if we took the hour we spend waiting in line for overpriced coffee each month doing something for someone who needs help. We could accomplish some amazing things.
Ok, enough idealism. It's time to party, or in my case, go buy fixings for a party. Happy New Year, all! Thank you to those who have read my blog, you few, you mighty few. :) See you in 2011.