Monday, November 5, 2012
The post-election utopia
What a grand and glorious day it will be when the election is over. Just imagine what will happen.
Neighbors will speak to one another again, while sharing tasty s'mores melted over the community bonfire fueled by their competing campaign signs.
A flood of talking heads will suddenly need jobs, but they will be snapped up by the growing pychological community hired to try to repair marriages and friendships torn apart by email and social media.
Twitter's servers will get some downtime, and all those programmers will decide it's time to have a meal in a local restaurant with a human being, boosting the economy.
Fewer trees will be killed by political direct mail. Or, at the very least, only the liberal or conservative trees will be killed, depending on the outcome.
Half the country will seriously consider moving to another country, which will alleviate strains on our roads and other infrastructure, meaning we have to repair potholes less frequently.
All in all, it's going to be awesome. Unless, of course, your candidate loses. And then you'll be forced to swallow your anguish as the other side gloats and proclaims that "happy times are here again."
PS: Get out and vote!! Remember, no matter what color or gender you are, a bunch of people not too long ago fought and died for your right to cast that ballot.